Leadership is emotional. If you lead people long enough, you are going to experience frustration, disappointment, fear, anger, discouragement, insecurity, joy, gratitude, excitement—and probably several of them in the same week.
That is especially true in ministry. Ministry involves people, and wherever there are people, there are problems. There are misunderstandings, criticism, expectations, disappointments, difficult conversations, spiritual battles, and seasons when you are simply tired. The issue is not whether leaders have emotions. The issue is whether we lead our emotions or allow our emotions to lead us.
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” As leaders, we have to learn to guard our hearts because what is happening inside of us will eventually affect the people around us. Before looking at four emotions that can damage our leadership, there are three important principles for handling our emotions.
OWN YOUR EMOTIONS
One of the first signs of emotional maturity is taking responsibility for what is happening inside of you. We often blame our emotions on circumstances or other people. We say things like, “She made me angry,” “He ruined my day,” or “If they hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have reacted that way.”
It is certainly true that people can provoke us. People can push our buttons, hurt us, frustrate us, or disappoint us. But someone pushing the button does not determine what we do next. If another person can control your response, you have surrendered part of your leadership to that person.
The same principle applies to positive emotions. No one else can ultimately be responsible for your gratitude, joy, contentment, or peace. Paul writes in Philippians 4:11, “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” Notice those words: “I have learned.” Contentment wasn’t something Paul’s circumstances gave him; it was something he learned through Christ. Leadership maturity begins when I stop saying, “They made me feel this way,” and start asking, “What is happening in my heart, and what am I going to do with it?”
LEAD YOUR EMOTIONS
Once you own your emotions, you have to learn to lead them. Either you lead your emotions, or eventually your emotions will lead you. That does not mean pretending they aren’t there. Biblical self- control is not emotional denial. Leading your emotions means recognizing what you are feeling without allowing that feeling to become your master.
This becomes especially important when you are tired, stressed, under pressure, disappointed, or overwhelmed because those are the moments when leaders often make their worst emotional decisions. Proverbs 16:32 says, “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” Think about that. The Bible says there is something greater than conquering a city: being able to rule yourself.
Spiritual leaders deal with serious things. We deal with people’s lives, families, problems, tragedies, conflicts, disappointments, and spiritual warfare. If we are not careful, ministry can drain us emotionally.
That means we also have to intentionally cultivate healthy emotions. Practice gratitude. Laugh. Rest. Spend time with people you enjoy. Serve somebody. Give. Celebrate what God is doing. Don’t merely wait to see what emotion shows up today; learn to lead your heart toward what is good, true, and godly.
MATURE YOUR EMOTIONS
The goal isn’t to become emotionless. God created us with emotions. Jesus experienced joy, wept in sorrow, demonstrated compassion, expressed righteous anger, and experienced anguish. Emotions are
part of being human, but mature leaders learn how to experience genuine emotion while remaining spiritually grounded and self-controlled.
People have difficulty trusting a leader whose emotions are unpredictable. If everyone around you has to wonder, “Which version of him are we getting today?” there is a leadership problem. James 1:19–20
says, “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
Emotional maturity doesn’t happen automatically with age, position, or experience. It develops through prayer, Scripture, wise counsel, humility, self-awareness, and intentional effort. With that foundation, here are four emotions that can take a leader out.
#1: UNJUSTIFIED FEAR — SAUL
Fear can paralyze leadership. It can keep you from taking a necessary risk, having a difficult conversation, making a decision, or obeying something God has clearly called you to do. Fear of failure, criticism, looking foolish, disappointing someone, losing people, or simply worrying about what somebody might say can eventually cause us to make decisions based on fear rather than faith.
King Saul gives us a powerful example. God had given Saul clear instructions through Samuel, but Saul did not completely obey them. When Samuel confronted him, Saul eventually admitted what was really
driving his decision. In 1 Samuel 15:24, Saul confessed, “I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the LORD and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice.”
There it is: “I feared the people.” Saul knew what God had said, but his fear of people became stronger than his willingness to obey God. Sometimes the question isn’t, “What is the right decision?” We already know the right decision. The real question is, “Am I willing to do what is right even when someone may not like it?”
Fear can cause leaders to avoid necessary conversations, postpone decisions, tolerate things they should address, and seek everyone’s approval. One of the best antidotes to fear is obedient action. You don’t have to solve everything today. Take the next faithful step and remember that God is with you.
#2: UNMANAGED ANGER — MOSES
Leadership can be frustrating. People can hurt you, misunderstand you, disappoint you, and criticize you. If those frustrations accumulate without being dealt with properly, frustration can eventually become anger. Unmanaged anger is dangerous for any leader because it only takes one uncontrolled moment to damage years of trust.
Few leaders in Scripture carried more responsibility than Moses. He led difficult people for decades, listened to their complaints, endured their rebellion, and repeatedly interceded for them. But eventually Moses allowed his frustration with the people to affect his leadership.
In Numbers 20, God told Moses to speak to the rock and water would come from it. Instead, Moses gathered the people and said, “Hear now, you rebels: shall we bring water for you out of this rock?” Then Moses struck the rock twice. God responded in Numbers 20:12, “Because you did not believe in me, to uphold me as holy in the eyes of the people of Israel, therefore you shall not bring this assembly into the land that I have given them.”
Moses had every reason to be frustrated, but having a reason to be angry did not give him permission to disobey God. Your frustration may be understandable while your response is still unacceptable. Moses allowed years of frustration to come out in a moment, and that moment carried consequences.
Anger can be a warning light on the dashboard. When anger keeps appearing, don’t merely ask, “How do I stop being angry?” Ask what is underneath it. Am I hurt, exhausted, disappointed, carrying resentment, feeling disrespected, or trying to control something I cannot control? If anger has become a pattern, don’t ignore it. Seek wise counsel and deal with the root rather than merely trying to control the explosion.
#3: UNRELENTING DISCOURAGEMENT — ELIJAH
Discouragement is one of the most effective weapons against spiritual leaders. It may not immediately disqualify you like an uncontrolled angry outburst can, and it may not immediately paralyze you like fear can, but discouragement slowly drains you. It drains your energy, passion, and vision, and eventually it can make you question whether what you’;re doing even matters.
One of the most interesting examples of discouragement in Scripture happens immediately after one of Elijah’s greatest victories. In 1 Kings 18, Elijah stands against the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel, and God answers with fire. It is an incredible spiritual victory. Then Jezebel threatens Elijah, and suddenly this courageous prophet crashes emotionally.
First Kings 19:4 says that Elijah sat down under a broom tree and prayed, “It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.” Think about the contrast. In one chapter Elijah is standing on Mount Carmel confronting hundreds of false prophets; in the next chapter he is sitting under a tree saying, “It is enough.”
Leaders need to remember that you can experience a great spiritual victory and still be emotionally exhausted afterward. I love God’s response to Elijah because God doesn’t begin with a lecture. Elijah sleeps. God feeds him. Elijah sleeps again. God feeds him again. Then God begins restoring Elijah’s perspective.
Discouragement often distorts perspective. You can have ten things going right and one thing going wrong, and discouragement will cause you to stare at the one thing. Maybe attendance was down, but you had visitors, someone came to Christ, someone took a spiritual step, someone was encouraged, someone was baptized, or someone’s marriage is healing. Discouragement looks at all of that and still says, “Yeah, but attendance was down.”
Don’t allow discouragement to rewrite the story of what God is doing. Get around people who are full of faith. Talk with trusted leaders. Don’t isolate yourself. Rest when you need to rest, and remind yourself of God’s faithfulness. God is with you. Your obedience matters. And the ministry God has entrusted to you matters.
#4: UNCHECKED INSECURITY — SAUL
Every leader experiences insecurity at some level, but the danger comes when insecurity remains unchecked. Insecurity can lead to jealousy, envy, competition, people-pleasing, defensiveness, comparison, and performance. Eventually, insecurity can cause us to see another person’s success as a threat to our own leadership.
Saul gives us another painful example. After David defeated Goliath, the people began celebrating his victories. First Samuel 18:7–9 says, “And the women sang to one another as they celebrated, ‘Saul has struck down his thousands, and David his ten thousands.’ And Saul was very angry, and this saying displeased him…. And Saul eyed David from that day on.”
David’s success became Saul’s insecurity. Saul stopped seeing David as someone God was using and started seeing David as competition. Insecure leaders have difficulty celebrating other people’s success.
When somebody else’s ministry grows, insecurity compares. When somebody else gets complimented, insecurity feels overlooked. When somebody else demonstrates a gift, insecurity feels threatened. When somebody else receives an opportunity, insecurity asks, “Why wasn’t that me?” Comparison will rob you of the joy of being the person God actually called you to be.
Ultimately, our security has to come from our identity in Christ. Paul writes in Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” You don’t have to become somebody else. You don’t have to lead or preach like somebody else. You don’t need somebody else’s personality, gifts, platform, ministry, or opportunities. God called you to faithfully steward what He gave you.
There is tremendous freedom when you stop trying to become a copy of somebody else and become comfortable being the person God created and called you to be.
GUARD YOUR HEART
Leadership is emotional. The answer isn’t to deny our emotions, suppress everything until we explode, or allow every emotion we experience to determine our actions. We need to own our emotions, lead our emotions, and mature our emotions. We especially need to guard ourselves against unjustified fear, unmanaged anger, unrelenting discouragement, and unchecked insecurity.
You are not alone when you experience these things. Talk with trusted people. Invite wise people into your life. Pray. Stay in God’s Word. Rest. Pay attention to what is happening inside your heart, and above everything else, take it to God.
Philippians 4:6–7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
That phrase is especially important for leaders: “guard your hearts.” Before you can lead an organization, a ministry, a team, or other people well, you have to learn to lead yourself. Part of leading yourself is learning, by the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit, to lead your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to lead you.
Guard your heart, because eventually what is happening in your heart will show up in your leadership.
Bible References:Proverbs 4:23 (ESV); Philippians 4:11 (ESV); Proverbs 16:32 (ESV); James 1:19–20 (ESV); 1 Samuel 15:24 (ESV); Numbers 20:7–12 (ESV); 1 Kings 19:1–8 (ESV); 1 Samuel 18:7–9 (ESV); Galatians 2:20 (ESV); Philippians 4:6–7 (ESV)
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